Saturday, January 31, 2009
♥ DEPRESSION!
it's like a freakin black hole consuming every single happy thought and feeling you have, leaving all the sadness and anger and helplessness and paranoia and every other bad feeling you have. to were you dont know how you feel anymore whether your really uinhappy or if its the depression. and you just want to curl up and cry, but even that doesnt help. it's a feeling of being trapt in your own mind, and youre unsure of how you feel or whats real. it takes you to a place you feel completely isolated from everyone around you. you sit there in a room of people who love you and you cant reach out, you cant even speak. and maybe you are doing good or you start to feel better and something small upsets you and sends you into a spiral, were you just dont want to feel anymore. Why does this happen. People have told me it's mind over matter and if you just tell your self you are happy then you'll be happy. but i've tried that so many times and it never works. i pretend so much that now when i should of been spending this time finding out who i am, i realize i have no clue. no freakin idea of who i am, what i want, or even how i feel. it's so absurd that someone shouldnt know such things. I find myself just sitting in places staring off into space so lost in my own thoughts that everything around me is a blur, anything could be happening and i wouldnt see it. sometimes i like that feeling, it helps not having to care. but sometimes i need someone there to pull me out of myself and back to reality. i dont have that anymore. and i'm starting to think maybe thats not such a smart thing. my mom asked me not to stay here if i was just getting more depressed but the things that are depressing me arent here they are back home. i dont know what to do. i wish i did but i dont i never do.
7:01 PM
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
♥ Epic Fail
I failed so bad, i'm like ashamed!!! Seriously ASHAMED!!!!!!!
I didnt start changing my life. but WOW is my life about to change.
I'm leaving this town i've lived in for the last twelve years. SCARY. I know. I think it's a change i need and i keep telling myself i'm ready for it, but whenever I think about leaving my friends and family I get really sad. I love them so much, and even tho i complain about them, They still mean everything to me. I can't imagine not being here to see my nieces and nephews grow, and watch them expirence life. I dont want to think about how many boyfriends my little sister will go thru while i'm gone, or if my parents are happier with me not home. I will miss my mom more then she will ever know. But at the same time, i have to grow up, and this one expirence has shown me that last fall i was in no way ready to leave home, i wouldnt of been able to succeed at college b/c i wasnt ready to leave the comfort of my friends and family. I still dont know if i'm readyt or not, but the only way to find out is leave and eithier succeed or fall on your face, but i'm going to live with my oldest bro so it's not as scary, b/c at least he is family. right. well i'll let everyone no how its going. bye
I didnt start changing my life. but WOW is my life about to change.
I'm leaving this town i've lived in for the last twelve years. SCARY. I know. I think it's a change i need and i keep telling myself i'm ready for it, but whenever I think about leaving my friends and family I get really sad. I love them so much, and even tho i complain about them, They still mean everything to me. I can't imagine not being here to see my nieces and nephews grow, and watch them expirence life. I dont want to think about how many boyfriends my little sister will go thru while i'm gone, or if my parents are happier with me not home. I will miss my mom more then she will ever know. But at the same time, i have to grow up, and this one expirence has shown me that last fall i was in no way ready to leave home, i wouldnt of been able to succeed at college b/c i wasnt ready to leave the comfort of my friends and family. I still dont know if i'm readyt or not, but the only way to find out is leave and eithier succeed or fall on your face, but i'm going to live with my oldest bro so it's not as scary, b/c at least he is family. right. well i'll let everyone no how its going. bye
5:30 PM
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
♥ Change Your Life in 31 Days
Here's the set-up . You choose to do something that you don't normally do everyday, and do it for 31 days.
The reason is that you will be challenging yourself. You will grow from this, and gain confidence.
Examples: Working-out everyday, reading everyday, wearing bright red lipstick everyday, wearing a dress everyday, calling a new family member everyday, or stop saying negative things about people.
If you decide to play along, write down what you've decided to do in a comment or bulletin. And keep each other accountable. We also encourage you to post a note or a video giving updates on how things are stretching you. And please invite your buds. Find someone to keep you accountable in this.
This is a chance to create a new habit of that thing you have been meaning to do.
join the event on Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/event.php?eid=47201369046
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Ok, so I saw this and decided since its a new year, it might be a ggod idea to start it off with a way to better yourself. I've decided to do this challenge and I'll be writing about it on my blog. http://place2think.blogspot.com/.
So you can go there to see how i'm doing, or just message me.
I hope all of you decide to do this to. It's a great way to start off 2009.
The reason is that you will be challenging yourself. You will grow from this, and gain confidence.
Examples: Working-out everyday, reading everyday, wearing bright red lipstick everyday, wearing a dress everyday, calling a new family member everyday, or stop saying negative things about people.
If you decide to play along, write down what you've decided to do in a comment or bulletin. And keep each other accountable. We also encourage you to post a note or a video giving updates on how things are stretching you. And please invite your buds. Find someone to keep you accountable in this.
This is a chance to create a new habit of that thing you have been meaning to do.
join the event on Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/event.php?eid=47201369046
------------------------------------------
Ok, so I saw this and decided since its a new year, it might be a ggod idea to start it off with a way to better yourself. I've decided to do this challenge and I'll be writing about it on my blog. http://place2think.blogspot.com/.
So you can go there to see how i'm doing, or just message me.
I hope all of you decide to do this to. It's a great way to start off 2009.
6:47 PM
Thursday, January 1, 2009
♥ Happy New Year!
2009!
WOW...
That's crazy, it does not seem like a year has past. Whoa...
Today is one of those days you ask yourself "Have I changed? and if so Was it for the better?"
I asked that question, and I think the answer is ,yea I've changed, some for the better, some not so much. I've actually changed more since halloween than anything else. I'm not that same person, or at least I dont want to be that person. I want to be better. So here are my top 5 resolutions!
1. Be happy: it sounds simple, but it's not because in order for me to be happy, alot of self-change has to occur, not only physicaly, but emotionally, and spiritually too.
2. Reach my goals: Job, car, College... nuff said
3. Dont fight lost battles, only fight for what truelly matters.
4. Read the Bible, not because its the right thing to do but because I want to get closer to the Lord!
5. Make this year better than last.
WOW...
That's crazy, it does not seem like a year has past. Whoa...
Today is one of those days you ask yourself "Have I changed? and if so Was it for the better?"
I asked that question, and I think the answer is ,yea I've changed, some for the better, some not so much. I've actually changed more since halloween than anything else. I'm not that same person, or at least I dont want to be that person. I want to be better. So here are my top 5 resolutions!
1. Be happy: it sounds simple, but it's not because in order for me to be happy, alot of self-change has to occur, not only physicaly, but emotionally, and spiritually too.
2. Reach my goals: Job, car, College... nuff said
3. Dont fight lost battles, only fight for what truelly matters.
4. Read the Bible, not because its the right thing to do but because I want to get closer to the Lord!
5. Make this year better than last.
12:08 PM
